Archive for the ‘Drunk Tales’ Category


Ah, the summer of 1989. A lot of good times & memories (of what I can remember anyway) were made in that year.

We were a little older, a lot crazier, unfortunately, none the wiser.
We made it through the summer of 1989, however, with nothing to show for it. All except for a fridge half-full of beer and a small canon.

That’s right. We got ourselves a canon,
but that’s a totally different story.

The fact that there was absolutely NO SUPERVISION is what made all this possible.

Summer of 1989

820 Eaton Street

Hammond, Indiana

I thought I was living the dream. Probably the dream of every 18-year-old male across the country. Well, at least maybe among my fellow “Region Rats” anyway. I guess that’s why we pretty much hung out at my house all the time. The lack of supervision made it the perfect environment for all the “Shit Starting & Shenanigans” we got ourselves into.

We had a large assortment of beer thanks to the Great Beer Heists of '89

We had a large assortment of beer thanks to the Great Beer Heists of ’89

It usually started with a garage/back alley BBQ, but things always got carried away and into the basement as the evening rolled in. By this time, most of us were already half-lit. There was always plenty of beer (free of charge). Of course, this was before the “major bust” of The Great Beer Heists of ’89.
In fact, the warm keg of Guinness spent a good portion of the summer of 1989 in my basement before it was finally moved to a new [undisclosed] location for further study & observation. A few of us would always take a crack at trying to get the beer out, but it always ended up in failure. If we only had that specific tap for that Guinness keg maybe a few us would think differently about Guinness beer.

Then again, maybe not.

Thanks to the “Boys of Wildwood” we finally did get into that keg of Guinness.

 The “48 Club”

Let’s get to the point of the story.

We came up with a competition that if completed you were made a “48 Club” member. It was called the “48 Club” and to become a member you had to drink 48 beers within 48 hours.
Here are the rules:

  1.  You can NOT leave the vicinity.
  2.  You can eat, sleep and throw-up all you want.
  3.  48 beers must be consumed before the 48th hour in order to become a member.

Flaming Shots of Everclear
(an important part of the story)

Alcohol is flammable. The purer the alcohol in the liquor, the greater chance of it igniting.
It’s very flammable. Extremely flammable.

We found out that a particular brand of alcohol (liquor?) would actually ignite – Everclear!
I’m not sure if Everclear was intended to be sipped straight from the bottle, but we did it anyway.
It was horrible.
So, to liven the party, we lit a shot glass full of Everclear on fire and drank it that way.
Makes sense…right?

Yeah, right.
Now it doesn’t only taste like shit, but it’s dangerous too.

Not sure where the idea of throwing flaming shots down your throat came from, but after a few hits & misses , some of us became rather good at it. Almost expert even. May sound like a useless skill but I have to admit, it is rather interesting to witness. If you ever get a chance to witness a drunk throwing fire towards their face, take it.

48 Beers in 48 Hours

48 Beers in 48 Hours

Sometimes, things could go terribly wrong.
Like someone lighting their face on fire.

Or, things could go hysterically funny.
Like someone lighting their face on fire.

Note: On all Flaming Shots you are suppose to extinguish the flame before you drink it.
Nobody told us about that part.

(Back to the “48 Club”)
Let the Competition Begin!

By the fourth hour of the very first 48 Club Competition, there were only 6 or 7 serious (semiconscious) applicants still in the competition out of a basement full of juvenile delinquents.

You remember Cousin Mike?
He was with me during the “Jumping & Riding Trains” incident.

He was one of them.

The McDonald Brothers.
They were with me during one of the Great Beer Heists of ’89.

They were both hanging in there also.

So, there was Cousin Mike, the two McDonald Brothers, myself and a few others.
One of those still standing was Benjie Garrison.

Benjie Garrison is an awesome bowler and already a well-known competitor among his peers and other young professional bowlers. He is very, very good. I met Benjie in high school through a few of my friends. And like myself, he lived with just his father. I remember spending many days ditching school at his house when mine was “unavailable”. We dominated Super Mario Bros. on Nintendo.

Region Rats - photo by Open Clips

Region Rats – illustration by Open Clips

My house, however, was the hub. It was a bit bigger, plus it had a basement that was equipped with a bar. The bar was nothing fancy but it served its purpose. Built in the 60’s by my grandfather, this bar has seen its fair share of shit starting & shenanigans…

…and today was no different.

Although the rules simply state that nobody may leave the vicinity of the competition, Benjie and the younger McDonald  got hungry. Since there wasn’t any food in the house and nobody delivered this late, we decided to make an exception. There was a tiny 24-hour Mexican restaurant just a block away. The infamous LAS BRISAS Mexican Restaurant was a Region Rat hot-spot.
Sorta.

Being that Las Brisas was open 24-hours a day, it too, has also seen its fair share of shit starting & shenanigans. Serving not just the sober during the day, but also the drunks, addicts and idiots during the night. If you ever wanted to test your self defense skills, visit Las Brisas anytime after 1 am and wait. Even though the Hammond Police Department was exactly kiddie-corner from Las Brisas, some knuckleheads didn’t care. Something’s going to happen…

…and tonight was no different.

Benjie and the younger McDonald brother left the house together. It’s best to go in pairs. Besides, Cousin Mike was in no condition to go anywhere. He was worse off than the rest of us. And since this was my house and he was my cousin, I was the one to look after him.

So off they went.

Las Brisas wasn’t the safest restaurant in the Region, nor was it the cleanest, but it sure had GREAT tacos! photo by KAM MISTRY

When they walked into Las Brisas they could already tell that something was not right. There were three employees, one up front, one in the back and another sitting in a booth next to the register. All three of them had their eye on a couple (guy & girl) that were waiting for their order. They looked as if they were pissed off at one another.

The employee that was up front walked to the register and asked Benjie if they were ready to order. Just when Benjie was about to speak, a loud “Fuck you!” was shouted from the girl.

Benjie quickly turned and looked at the couple, “Wow. What was that?” Benjie jokingly snickered.

The guy looked up at Benjie for a moment and then went back silently speaking to the girl looking rather irritated

“What the fuck?” the younger McDonald said to Benjie.

“I don’t know. Whatever.” Benjie said back and then placed their order.

You were to pay right after you order at Las Brisas. This prevented ‘Dine & Dash’. When the employee gave Benjie his change she quickly went to finish up the couples order and gave it to them. The couple immediately left.

Not even a minute after the couple left, Benjie heard a ruckus right outside the restaurant’s front door. Benjie and the younger McDonald went to investigate and found the guy beating the shit out of the girl. Both of them went to grab the guy and pulled him off her.

Suddenly, Benjie felt a thud on the back of his head. When he turned around he saw the younger McDonald throwing the girl a pretty good distance away. When he did, a loud clank was heard. The girl dropped a tire iron in the process of being thrown. After the younger McDonald threw the girl down he jumped on the guy and started beating the shit out of him.

Yes. This happened.

The guy was totally unconscious, but the younger McDonald kept beating away. The girl stood up and decided not to intervene. I guess she knew that it didn’t matter she was a female. It wasn’t until Benjie, when he got his bearings, that stopped the younger McDonald from beating the guy any further. They both went back inside the restaurant. The girl just stood there and continued to scream at the both of them.

The Hammond Police showed up just when they sat down to eat their tacos. It looked as though the girl was trying to explain to the police why her boyfriend was laying unconscious in a Las Brisas parking lot. She was looking through the restaurants glass, pointing to the both of them telling the police who they should be arresting. But the police never came in the restaurant and asked any questions. It seems that they just hauled the couple away to jail.

End of that story.

Meanwhile…

Back at the house, none of us knew what was going on with Benjie and the younger McDonald. This was, of course, before the readily available cell phone.

This was also when we started doing “Flaming shots of Everclear”.

Turning up the heat!
alcohol-408446_1280

Benjie and the younger McDonald finally made it back from Las Brisas.

“We got into a fight,” Benjie announced as soon as he walked down the basement stairs. “Man, we kicked the shit out of some guy and his girlfriend.”

The younger McDonald went ahead and tried to explain what happened, but with the tape deck blaring “Sweet Child of Mine” by Guns’n Roses made it a little difficult.

Before any of us could ask Benjie any questions, he was already at the end of the bar with his taco take-out. He sat with his back to us and that’s when I noticed the blood stain down Benjie’s back.

“Dude, you’re bleeding!” I shouted.

The younger McDonald went to check out Benjie’s head.

“That chic busted your head open.”

We all checked out his wound. Yep, there was a gash alright. She bashed him good.

Benjie took his last bite and muffled with a mouth full, “That bitch.” He grabbed a napkin and went upstairs to clean himself up in the bathroom.

Meanwhile…we showed the younger McDonald what we were up to since they left. Rash Key, Jay Gee along with the older McDonald brother with myself included poured ourselves a half-shot of Everclear. Each of us then lit the Everclear in the shot glass on fire.

“What the…?” the younger McDonald said looking wide eyed. “What are you guys going to do now?”

Before he realized, all four of us at the same time, threw the flaming shot down our own throat.

“HOLY SHIT! That’s fucking crazy!”

“Oh yeah?” a voice said coming from the other side of the basement. It was coming from Cousin Mike as he stumbled toward the bar. “I’ll show ya how to do it.”

Cousin Mike grabbed the bottle of Everclear and an empty shot glass. He carelessly poured himself a FULL shot spilling alcohol all over his hand as well as the bar.

“This is how you do it.”

Before any of us knew what was going on, Cousin Mike lit his shot glass on fire.

And his hand.

And the bar.

But that didn’t stop him.
Uh-uh.

Cousin Mike went ahead and was going to finish what he started. He tried to throw that flaming shot down his throat. But it was more like him throwing a fireball at his entire face than down his throat.
Oh yes. He threw fire at his own face.

So, Cousin Mike lit his hand and face on fire along with the top of the bar. I freaked out and everybody started yelling. I just started whacking Cousin Mike in the face trying to put the fire out. He gripped onto the bar with both hands (one of them on fire) and let me slap the shit out of him. The idea soon spread because everybody stopped screaming and started slapping Cousin Mike in the face.

And I do mean everybody. Like four pairs of hands.
I then threw a towel over his burning hand and put out the bar.

After a few quick moments of trying to extinguish Cousin Mikes face the fire eventually went out.
But wait a minute.

Benjie wanted some of that.

From nowhere Benjie flew into the scene. Throwing himself over the bar and with a stretch – SLAP!
He slapped Cousin Mike the hardest of everybody…and the fire was already out.
What the…?

But hold on.
This night doesn’t stop there.

Check back and find out what happens later when we come across vomit, a beer-bong & $100.

I will never ask the question: “How in the HELL can you run yourself over?”

If you’re guessing where this is going – you’re correct…
I almost ran myself over.

I nearly ran myself over!

I know what you’re thinking, “How can you run yourself over?”

It’s a little tricky, but it can be done!

I understand how it happened, I just can’t imagine what would have happened had my van actually ran me over.  If it wasn’t for my “cat like” reflexes and my keen “sense of aware“, I might have gone to the hospital.

I know, I know… whatever.

CLICK HERE

CLICK HERE

But if you’re interested in reading on HOW & WHY it happened, then by all means – please, continue.

Early one morning…

I was opening Lauers Pub in Calumet City, IL and decided to park directly in front of the tavern.  When I came to a complete stop, I turned off the ignition before placing the gear in park.  Quite simply – I forgot.  The van was off, but it was still in drive.

This is what it looked like before I had it repaired.

This is what it looked like before I had it repaired.

I know what you’re thinking, but before you decide that I must be FULL OF SHIT, let me just tell you that my van was once a stolen vehicle.  And in order for them to steal the van, they had to pop its ignition.

So now, that safety feature that disables any vehicle from starting if it is NOT in park…yeah, that feature has been disconnected in my vehicle and will now start in ANY gear (even reverse).

Needless to say, I jump out of the van and continued on with my day not realizing that I had not put the van in park.  So it sat IN GEAR for half a day.

When it was time to go, I dragged ass back to the van and used a screwdriver to enable the starter/ignition.  I crawled under the van and used the same screwdriver to jump the starter.  This is when everything went wrong.

When the van started it instantly took off.  If it wasn’t for my “cat-like” reflexes, this day may have ended on a more serious note.  Luckily, with my self-taught ninja skills I managed to roll out of the way of the out-of-control van.  Rolling from underneath a moving van while against a 6 inch curb was a bit tricky, but again…because of my athletic ability, I managed to avoid running myself over.

I sprang to my feet and started running after my van down the street.  Fortunately, it turned towards the curb and jumped it.  When the van hit the curb it slow down considerably making it possible for me to open the passenger side door and jump in.

The van was now heading towards a fire hydrant and I still wasn’t able to stop the van – just steer it.  I quickly turned the steering wheel to the left to get back on the street – missing the hydrant by inches.

When the van rolled down from the sidewalk onto the street, I jumped over to the drivers seat and was able to take control.PerfectlyNormal2a

I slammed on the brakes and took a minute or two to gather my thoughts.

Did that just happen?

I got my shit together and turned the van around.
While I was doing this, I noticed an old lady standing on her porch looking at me shaking her head.

You’re welcome, lady.
You’re welcome for the entertainment.

WANT TO READ PART II? CLICK HERE!

An interesting career choice. Are you currently living in the Philippines…? Because there’s not much out there looking for professional knife fighters.

How to Become a Professional Knife Fighter

FIRST: Ask yourself, “Why is it necessary that I become a professional knife fighter?

If becoming a professional knife fighter is somehow the solution to “whatever-ails-you”, you may want to rethink about your current lifestyle.

Anyway, if learning how to become a professional knife fighter will get you out of a rut – please, continue on…

…but first, let me explain something to you before you continue reading:

  • there’s no such thing as a professional knife fighter
Yes, this is true, there is no such thing as a professional knife fighter
Do you even know the correct & proper way to sharpen a knife let alone fight with one?

Do you even know the correct & proper way to sharpen a knife let alone fight with one?

But hey, if you were hoping to gain some tips on how to become a professional knife fighter, I might be able to help you out – not.

For real, think about it.

If you’re still reading this…okay, I’ll tell you what I know.

A dull knife can be just as dangerous as a sharp one

As odd as this sounds, let me explain something to you.  A  knife is mainly used in the kitchen – not on the battlefield.

More people are injured in their own kitchen than on the streets.  It’s in the kitchen is where the knife is used for its true intention; to cut, chop & slice.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that there are hunting knives and they are used for hunting, but something just doesn’t set with me…that term…”hunting knife”.

Most hunters I know (and I am NOT one), use some kind of instrument that uses projectiles to bring down their prey.

Do you know anybody who goes out hunting with just a knife…?  And comes back with a deer, bear, wild hog, mountain lion…?

I know a lot of people, but I don’t know anyone who would go out and hunt with just a knife – and come back with something (even something as small as squirrel).

Or come back at all.

{Because there are people that do}
Anyway, back to having a dull knife
NEMO-knife2

A dull knife is a dangerous knife.

A knife is considered a tool; an instrument of the culinary art.  It’s used to slice, cut & chop – stabbing, not so much.

When the knife is dull (which does happen to sharp knives), the person using a dull knife will try to compensate by applying more pressure.  This could be extremely dangerous because when applying more pressure than necessary, you risk slipping and possibly cutting and injuring yourself.

Keep your knives sharp.

Keep your knives sharp and then hang them.  Great idea.

I know, you’re waiting for the professional knife fighting tips..hold on.

SAFETY FIRST

Always treat a knife as if it were extremely sharp when alone and especially with others around.  This will prevent accidents and is also good practice until you do handle extremely sharp knives.

If your knife comes with a sheath make sure you use it.  Store your knife in a safe, dry place.  Away from harm.  If you’re going to hang your knives, please be sure that they are firmly secured and away from danger.  I recommend strong magnets.
$15.79
The Little Black Book of Violence: What Every Young Man Needs to Know About Fighting

Professional Knife Fighting Tip #1

You’ll NEVER see it coming!

This is so true…it almost makes me laugh.  If you’re thinking that knife fights are like how they’re portrayed in Hollywood…you’re (gonna be) dead wrong.

When an assailant is coming at you with a knife, it’s going to be a covert move – guaranteed.  If you think that some guy is just going to standby & wait until you get up and go to the bathroom (in some restaurant or bar) so he can make his presence known to you…think again.

Most assailants will more than likely walk near you (rather quickly) and take a few stabs at you.  Even those who claim to be professional knife fighters would rather strike an opponent without them knowing.  This allows for vital targets to be exposed without defense.

It’s a “coward’s move”, but that’s fighting with a knife.  The trick is to know who could and even possibly know who is actually carrying a knife.
$2.99
Knife Fighting: Multiple Attacker Training Drills for Faster and Better Reactions

Professional Knife Fighting Tip #2

Even if you win – you lose.

Law enforcement officers frown on knife fighting, even if it was declared a duel with all parties involved (that means even if everybody involved agrees to a fair knife fight).  This isn’t the wild west and there’s no such thing as a fair knife fight.

So that’s two things to remember:

  1. There’s no such thing as a professional knife fighter
  2. There’s no such thing as a fair knife fight

There is such a thing as “self defense”, however, most deaths that occur by knife wasn’t because of self defense.

If you are defending yourself with a knife, you are to try and make an escape as soon as possible.  If your attacker is down but still alive, you are NOT suppose to finish him off.

You may get arrested or worse…you may go to prison.
$26.99
Philippine Fighting Arts by Julius Melegrito Vol. 3: Knife Tactics and Applications

Professional Knife Fighting Tip #3

The Final & Most Important Tip of All
[Never Claim to be a Professional Knife Fighter]

That’s right.  First of all, like I said earlier, “There’s no such thing as a professional knife fighter.”  So don’t go claiming that you’re something that you’re not.  There may be people out there that aren’t professional knife fighters, but there are people out there that know how to fight with knives.

Other interesting articles


Have you ever seen the movie
THE GREAT SANTINI?

If you haven’t, then this won’t make complete sense…well, maybe

White CastleIt was like any other summer week day night.  Bored as hell, drinking beer like a fish drinks water and hanging out with three or four friends.  I noticed a large can of Campbells Cream Mushroom Soup in the cupboard and remembered the movie starring Robert Duvall, “The Great Santini

If you have never seen the movie, let me explain a certain scene to you:

  • Duvall’s character has an open can of soup inside his jacket
  • He acts as if he’s throwing up and pours the contents of the soup on the floor
  • His friends, who are in on it, run up to the fake vomit and start eating it off the floor
  • People get sick and throw up for real
If you would like to see how it went down, buy from AMAZON

ONLY $2.99 

Here’s how it went down at the WHITE CASTLE

White Castle – Calumet Avenue & 165th Street
Hammond, Indiana – Early 90’s (?)

We took some leftovers from a friend’s house (peas, carrots, &c.) and opened the family size can of cream of mushroom soup with a can opener.  I dumped a little bit of the soup out into the garbage can, & filled it with the leftovers and a little water.  I did this so the contents would not be so thick because I wanted it to  pour out of the can a bit more easily when it was tilted over, we were trying to make it look as realistic as possible.

And it did!

It looked like REAL puke!

The plan was fairly easy to follow, all we needed were the characters.  Since somebody had to eat the fake vomit, that character role will be played by “yours truly” and by somebody else who had just as much low self esteem as me, Rash Key.

Next, we needed somebody to carry the fake vomit in the Campbell’s soup can into the White Castle.  We nominated our “large-and-in-charge” red-headed friend to do the honors, Jay Jee.

Fast Food

We had Jee walk in with another friend who then walked straight to a booth and sat in it.  The other friend went to place an order.

After that, Rash and I walked in and stood in line right behind our friend.

That was the signal.   The plan was under way.

All of a sudden, Jee started making some loud dry heaving noises…and they just got louder & louder.  People started to turn and look at what was going on.

Before anyone knew it, Jee made this very loud (and quite a long) sound of himself throwing up.  He sounded possessed.  Hollywood would have been proud.

The next thing you know, there was this (very realistic looking) puddle of PUKE on the table.  Jee made an excellent performance and then soon made a quick get-away out the north exit.
(This was a common exit)

Exit – stage left.

People were confused, everyone looked at each other in amazement as if they couldn’t believe what they just witnessed.

But they ain’t seen nothing yet.

Rash and I looked at each other – we were on.

We walked out of line and headed for the booth with the vomit-like substance on the table.  I heard our other friend in line say to himself, “Oh my God.”

Oh my God was right, because the next thing I’m about to tell you actually happened:

Rash and I approached the vomit and started picking the mushrooms out of it and eating it.
Yes.  Eating it.

It was fake of course, but if you didn’t know you would have swore that two crazy idiots were eating chunks of vomit that came from another idiot off the street.

A man had to actually cover the eyes of his two little boys, while looking at us as if to say, “What the hell are you guys doing?”

I heard people gasp.  Our friend, got out of line and left the restaurant.  Rash and I followed.

We walked out with cream of mushroom soup dangling from our chins, making sounds as if we were the undead.

Ah…good times.

[WANT TO READ THE FIRST “Mayhem at the White Castle”?]


The Seven Deadly Sins and their Meanings

Some of you better
 pay special attention
to this article - 
so read it slowly and 
very carefully.
  1. LUST

  2. GLUTTONY

  3. GREED

  4. SLOTH

  5. WRATH

  6. ENVY

  7. PRIDE

So, there you have it. The Seven Deadly Sins.

But what's the meaning behind the 
Seven Deadly Sins?

Not a problem, let’s take it from the top:

1. Lust

This is pretty self-explanatory, but I’ll continue just the same.
LUST is that feeling you get when you had a few to many alcoholic drinks and you start flirting it up. With a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other and you start grinding your ass on your guy friends – thinking it’s okay because “hey, you’re just friends”.

But hey, who cares? As long as you look sexy doing it!

You know what the fuck you’re doing.
This is a common deadly sin for whores and sluts.

2. Gluttony

This fucking sin is the worst. Most Americans fit in this category.
GLUTTONY is being that fat ass sitting at the bar trying to get your LUST on. You stuff your fat ass with everything/anything you can get your grubby, little chubby hands on.

This probably isn’t your fault, you might be a terrible drug addict or just a mean alcoholic. Maybe mom and dad didn’t love you right. Either way, lay off the snacks.

You know what the fuck you’re doing.
This is a common deadly sin for douchebags.

3. Greed

We’re all a little guilty of this mother-fucker.
GREED is that thing you do when you tell someone you’re “not holding” but then come out of the bathroom for the thirtieth time with nostrils flaring as large as Patrick Ewing, gagging every 5 minutes and a running nose that even plumbers glue couldn’t stop.

You know what the fuck you’re doing.
This is a common deadly sin for coke heads.

4.Sloth

This is for all you lazy asses.
SLOTH is letting the new guy do all the bullshit work while your greedy, fat ass reaps in all the rewards. Or having your wife track your ass down so you can pay  your child support so your children can eat.
You motherfuckers.

You know what the fuck you’re doing.
This is common deadly sin for deadbeat dads.

5.Wrath

These are people who are complete assholes.
WRATH is having that tantrum that you’re just about ready to throw yourself  on the floor so you can have it your way.
You immature little bitch.

You know what the fuck you’re doing.
This is a common deadly sin committed by the “only child”.

6.Envy

Those jealous sons-of-bitches. They’ll do just about anything to try to bring you down and to take credit for doing so. If you’re getting a little money from a simple “soft skill” like writing, why am I busting my ass for 8-10hrs a day?
ENVY is imagining me having an easy laid back day, writing whatever comes to mind. You’re only two-thirds right – I don’t imagine.

Oh my God! Did you make a funny at my husband’s expense? I’m going to sue!

You know what the fuck you’re doing.
This is common deadly sin for the sexually unsatisfied.

7.Pride

Ah, yes. Most of you can’t even spell it let alone have any.
PRIDE is that thing hanging between your legs (goes for you ladies also, metaphorically of course) and it seems you’ve misplaced yours.

You know what the fuck you’re doing.
These are the Seven Deadly Sins.


As told by some crazy hillbilly.

PLEASE - DO NOT ATTEMPT
*
This crazy hillbilly
is missing two fingers - wonder why?

I wouldn’t have believed it, if I didn’t see it for myself! 

You need to shop for a certain kind of sparkler because NOT any old sparkler will do.

  Indiana Loves their Fireworks

I met this guy at Lauer’s Pub in Calumet City, IL and he told me how he knew how to make these “sparkler bombs“. He said that he heard me talk about constructing a 2-Liter dry ice bomb and its effect.

Mind you, I NEVER said (then) that I actually constructed one – just that I knew how to do it. Very important.

He said that he lived in Illinois and that they don’t sell the kind of sparkler that he needed to construct what he called a “sparkler bomb“.

“Indiana loves their fireworks!” he exclaimed being slighty buzzed – why not? It’s only 2:30 in the afternoon – cheers!

This is the type and brand you need to construct a functional “sparkler bomb”.

The next thing I know, this crazy hillbilly pulled out the type of fireworks that he needed. He must carry this shit around or something, because I just find that weird.

I asked him about that.

“Naw, man… I just came from the firework stand that’s right off 80/94 and I decided to take the back roads home. I can’t get caught with this shit.”

This guy reminds me of someone who totally belongs in some sort of militia. Scary actually. I can see him wearing overalls without a shirt – my kind of style.

“All you need now is some duct tape, electrical tape and we’ll be ready to have ourselves a good ol time!”

I was waiting for him to start saying “Yee Haw” or something in that manner.
That would have been perfect.

Duct tape and electrical tape is needed in order to construct a functional “sparkler bomb”

Wouldn’t you know it…? This crazy  hillbilly carries around electrical tape and duct tape? What the…?

Is there something strange afoot?

Oh well, other than being a crazy hillbilly he seems to be pretty okay.
(he just may have some issues to work out, that’s all)

He then looked at me. He had this crazy grin on his face.
Then he did something really crazy…slowly, he looked at his wrist as if he were wearing a watch.
That was all the confirmation I needed…

this guy’s REALLY crazy.

This is a finished sparkler bomb.

So he gathered a bunch a sparklers together.
(about 60)

He had one sparkler stick out – that’s the fuse.
(be careful, that single sparkler is VERY fragile)

He semi-tightly bound them together with the electrical tape.
(he used about half of a full roll)

He then tightly wrapped them with the duct tape.
(cover it entirely)

There you go!

A Sparkler Bomb!!

icon-720934_1280

Want to see this sparkler bomb go off? Click on the link below.

Sparkler Bomb: Made from LEGAL fireworks.


Why can’t you fall asleep?

That’s the first thing you should be asking yourself.

If you’ve not gone to a doctor yet, you should make an appointment as soon as you can. If you have already seen a doctor and they have cleared you of ANY type of sleeping disorder, this article is intended for you.

It’s just that there are many other factors that can simply stop you from getting your deserved sleep. Unfortunately, this is something that you are fully responsible for.

I am talking about bad habits.
You know who you are.

Bad habits like

Forget about the past, just for the night.

  • – thinking about bills, all those debts you accumulated, work problems, bad health
  • – remembering all the bad shit that happened to them in the past – even in distant past
  • – getting into bed thinking that you’re NEVER going to fall asleep – that you’re going to have “one of those nights again”
  • – going to bed all jacked up on stress and energy

Here’s your morning drill:
You wake up totally exhausted, dreading to face the day. All you can think about is just getting through the day so you can just come home and relax. You think about coming home after putting in a days work and jumping into the shower and getting into your pajamas. It won’t matter if it’s only 7pm, because tonight is the night that you’re going to get a FULL nights sleep.

But it doesn’t ever seem to go that way – does it?

Things change – people call – drink specials happen

Pay attention, this is important! If this is an ongoing thing with you, you may want to chill on your night life entertainment. I know people who party all night long, make it to work the next morning (looking rough; smelling like booze) hating life all day long. But as soon as 5pm hits, they’re back at the pub throwing back shots, loving life all night long.

If this best describes you – you’re a fucking alcoholic.

Taking Medication

Sleeping pills prescribed by your doctor is a step that should be taken only if the methods here “on how to fall asleep” do not work. You should use pills only when necessary. Ask your doctor if there are any natural pills that can have the same/similar effect. If your doctor does prescribed medicated sleeping pills, that doesn’t mean you have to take them every night – yeah, right. I feel that sleeping pills can ruin your chance to EVER get a full nights sleep. Even if those pills help you fall asleep faster and longer, you will be soon become addicted and you will be forced to take them every night – for the rest of your life.

In some cases, sleeping pills can create such an addiction that if the person wanted to take an afternoon nap, they would have to take a sleeping pill in a simple case like this.
Just continue reading this whole article and learn how to fall asleep naturally. It’s your best chance from becoming a pill popping druggie.

Sleeping pills may even lead to crack – I don’t know, that’s just what I heard from this guy standing on State Line.
On the Cal City side, of course.

Seriously though, if you need to take sleeping pills, your shit might be fucked up for real. In that case, follow your doctors orders and the prescription to the letter. You’ll soon learn how to how to sleep without them – I promise.

Alright, here it is -7 ways on how to fall asleep

1. Just fall asleep.

Yes. It’s that simple. Don’t over think it, just close your eyes and do it.

Just think how good you’re going to feel tomorrow morning!

2. Avoid the simplest of distractions.

Don’t leave the TV on or listen to music. No matter how much you tell yourself that you can’t sleep without these things – just think about where you are right now. That’s right…reading an article on how to fall asleep, knucklehead.

3. Read a good book.

The trick about this is to start reading a book before you go to bed. You don’t want to be laying there reading an entire book, like Charity Parkerson’s The Danger from Within, Regina Puckett’s What the Heart Knows or Amber Norrgard’s 4 a.m. A Collection. Reading books like that will keep you up ALL NIGHT. It’s best to start in the living room or somewhere like that, that way it’s in the back of your mind that you will have to stop and go to bed.

4. Have sex!

My favorite! What’s cool about this is that you can include someone else if you want.
Having fun yet?

5. Avoid caffeine and sweets.

Chill out on the coffee, soda and candy. You’ll feel all that crap at night. Besides, too much caffeine is  harmful for your health anyway. If you can’t cut out the coffee, at least cut it out late in the afternoon.

6. Avoid drinking a lot of alcohol before going to bed.

It may seem that the alcohol is giving you a good nights sleep – but it isn’t. Ask yourself if you slept well on a Wednesday morning after a night of drinking on a Taco Tuesday at Flat Rock Tap.

7.Turn the lights off.

If you need to sleep with a night-light because you’re scared, I will slap the shit out of you. There is no reason why a grown ass adult needs a night-light because they’re scared.

In fact, I’m done with this. Good night.

This Blog is in Association with TryJimmy.Weebly.Com


Can exercise play a role in an addiction treatment program?

Fighting off addiction can be a lengthy and difficult process. The pain addiction can bring on is sometimes intolerable and many may fall into a regretful relapse. Many patients fall into a relapse after a short time attending an addiction program, but some may even have a relapse after years of attending and completing a program. The creators of redwagon.com sympathize and understand the difficulties of fighting and eventually overcoming the powerful hold that comes with addiction.

Exercise can help the brain resist temptations and is sometimes suggested and/or prescribed by doctors and addiction experts. It has been proven that vigorous exercise increases dopamine concentrations in the brain and according to Mark Smith, a neuroscience professor at the Davidson University, gives the brain the same effects as the addiction. This study has been going on for years and researchers were surprised the connection between increased physical activity and the decreased risk in substance abuse. Exercise has the same effect on the brain as do anti-depressants taken orally. Doctors have seen that longtime abusers have an increased risk in developing mental disorders such as stress, anxiety and depression and found that exercise can also help in treating such conditions.

Recovering addicts have been reported in saying that they prefer to participate in groups when performing physical activities associated with treatment. Treatment programs do sometimes organize outings such as bicycling or hiking encouraging physical activity to their patients, so that they may continue with being physically active when they have completed the program successfully. Doctors have discovered an increase in successful recoveries when exercise takes part in a treatment program.

It is said that a recovering addict will never be fully recovered and that the temptation will always be there. However, exercise and a proper diet can help in trying to calm these cravings to a degree where the recovering addict is no longer at risk in having a relapse. Some experts believe the key a successful recovery and to remain drug-free is to continue with an exercise regimen even long after the recovering addict has completed the recovery program. The brain is used to an increase of dopamine. Exercising has now taken the place of supplying the brain its increased need for dopamine instead of whatever the recovering addict was abusing. If the exercises or physical activity suddenly stops, the risk of a relapse can be at risk. It seems “boredom” can trigger the brain in wanting a quick fix of dopamine which can cause an addict (or a recovering addict) to rely on drugs to motivate the brain to want to engage in some sort of activity.

Consult a Personal Trainer

Just like everything else in life to much of a good thing could be harmful if not fatal. Consulting with a doctor to involve a physical trainer may be beneficial in the recovery process. Overdoing certain kinds of exercises may harm the body in many different ways such as serious sprains, or fatal injuries to vital organs and even brain aneurysms. It’s been suggested that a recovering addict should pick up a hobby of some sort to help minimize the risk of over exercising.


The White Castle Exploding Toilet

PLEASE, DO NOT ATTEMPT


   A year or two after high school, my friends and I discovered a clever way to make plastic 2-liter bottles explode using simply dry ice and water…that’s it.

We had nothing to do one night; bored to death and a bug up our ass – we were already drinking, not yet plastered but we had made ourselves pretty brave with the right amount of liquid courage.

We assembled and prepped the dry ice bomb at my house (Eaton Street) and parked the car across Calumet Avenue from White Castle in a parking lot of a bowling alley – the once ever popular, Bowl-Era.

I wore a dark blue trench coat and hid the 2-liter dry ice bomb within it. I walked through the south side entrance (main) and walked past the order windows, the employees, customers and through the dining room and straight into the men’s room.

Now, in order for me to successfully detonate the dry ice bomb, I simply had to add water – no problem, I’m in the men’s room. Unfortunately, the men’s room sink at this particular White Castle was not “2-liter friendly” at the time, so I was unable to dispense any water into the 2-liter dry ice bomb using the faucet.
I don’t remember there being a urinal in the men’s room, just a toilet. If there were a urinal, I’m sure I would have thought of a better way to put water in the 2-liter dry ice bomb than the one I’m about to share.

So here I am, in the men’s room at White Castle trying to figure out how to put water in this two liter dry ice bomb – when all of a sudden I realize something…

I could scoop the water out into the two liter dry ice bomb by cupping my hands, but that’s just nasty.

I did what I had to do, that’s all I got to say about that.

Now the plan was just to make a big “BOOM” – that’s it, nothing else. I screwed the cap back on and shoved the 2-liter dry ice bomb into the toilet. It was wedged in good and tight.
I immediately left the men’s room and locked the door behind me (I didn’t want somebody to walk in – safety first). I exited through the north doors and ran back to the waiting car at the bowling alley.

I had an accomplice that followed me in, but stood in line to place an order. They were an extra set of eyes and a possible “deterrent” if need be. From what I remember I was told this:

I saw you leave the men’s room very quickly…I knew you had done it. I was next in line, I didn’t want to order…then all of sudden…BOOM! Everybody looked at the washroom and that’s when water started pouring out from underneath the men’s room door. The manager came out from behind the counter and went to the men’s room…the door was locked. Water continued to gush out, she had to run back to the office to get the key. By this time the dining area was covered with water. When the door was finally opened she noticed that the toilet had been blown off the wall and into pieces.

In my defense, that was not supposed to happen.

This was talked about for months, if not years after. Another friend of mine doubted that a 2-liter dry ice bomb could do such damage and did not believe this story – he found out later that IT IS quite possible to cause such mayhem.

PART 2

White Castle


Rest in Peace - Adam Yauch

Rest in peace, the Beastie Boys will never be the same.

Thinking of you, Scott Ryan

Today I thought of an old friend, because of the passing of Beastie Boy member Adam Yauch and I say old friend because I knew him and his family practically all my life.

I also say old friend because I haven’t seen him for a very long time.

And I also say old friend, because even though he may not be with us physically, his spirit lives in all of us.

I miss you Scotty.

I remember when I was introduced to the Beastie Boys – it was Scotty Ryan. He called me up and told me to come over to do “whatever it was”…so I did. I walked that dreaded train track that followed along Lyman Avenue to Scotty’s house from 165th Street so many times by then I knew exactly how many steps it took to get there.

(a bit of an exaggeration, but you get my point)

When I got to his house he immediately took me to his room so I could hear this new rap band. What was so weird about this was that they were ALL WHITE. There were other white rap groups – but they sucked.

(even Kid Rock was known then, but he REALLY sucked – remember “Yodelin’ in the Valley”?)

The Beastie Boys were different. What made them different was that they were actually good. They rocked. Yeah, we know that RUN DMC helped them BIG time, wrote some of their BIGGEST hits…so what?

They pulled it off.

Plus, RUN DMC saw something in these guys, that’s why they staked their reputation on them. RUN DMC is a rap group that pioneered the way for A LOT of black rap artists and for them to put up three white dudes from New York…something’s up.

Anyway, Scotty put the cassette in his “boom box” that was underneath his bedroom window that faced the driveway and blared away.

The first thing I heard from the Beastie Boys was… “No sleep ’till… (nah nah – na naah…) …Brooklyn!”

(I fell instantly in love and was going to base my entire life around their philosphy…not one of my better  judgements)

I looked at Scott and we started laughing, Scott was laughing so hard he accidentally drooled on the inside of cassette case.

I remember him saying, “Aw, man,” looking down at the cassette as he used the bottom of his shirt to wipe it up. He looks at me…looking at me in a way to see if I saw him drool on his shit – I did.

He walked past me, with that infamous grin on his face, “That sucked, ” I heard him say.