I will never ask the question: “How in the HELL can you run yourself over?”
If you’re guessing where this is going – you’re correct…
I almost ran myself over.
I nearly ran myself over!
I know what you’re thinking, “How can you run yourself over?”
It’s a little tricky, but it can be done!
I understand how it happened, I just can’t imagine what would have happened had my van actually ran me over. If it wasn’t for my “cat like” reflexes and my keen “sense of aware“, I might have gone to the hospital.
I know, I know… whatever.
But if you’re interested in reading on HOW & WHY it happened, then by all means – please, continue.
Early one morning…
I was opening Lauers Pub in Calumet City, IL and decided to park directly in front of the tavern. When I came to a complete stop, I turned off the ignition before placing the gear in park. Quite simply – I forgot. The van was off, but it was still in drive.
I know what you’re thinking, but before you decide that I must be FULL OF SHIT, let me just tell you that my van was once a stolen vehicle. And in order for them to steal the van, they had to pop its ignition.
So now, that safety feature that disables any vehicle from starting if it is NOT in park…yeah, that feature has been disconnected in my vehicle and will now start in ANY gear (even reverse).
Needless to say, I jump out of the van and continued on with my day not realizing that I had not put the van in park. So it sat IN GEAR for half a day.
When it was time to go, I dragged ass back to the van and used a screwdriver to enable the starter/ignition. I crawled under the van and used the same screwdriver to jump the starter. This is when everything went wrong.
When the van started it instantly took off. If it wasn’t for my “cat-like” reflexes, this day may have ended on a more serious note. Luckily, with my self-taught ninja skills I managed to roll out of the way of the out-of-control van. Rolling from underneath a moving van while against a 6 inch curb was a bit tricky, but again…because of my athletic ability, I managed to avoid running myself over.
I sprang to my feet and started running after my van down the street. Fortunately, it turned towards the curb and jumped it. When the van hit the curb it slow down considerably making it possible for me to open the passenger side door and jump in.
The van was now heading towards a fire hydrant and I still wasn’t able to stop the van – just steer it. I quickly turned the steering wheel to the left to get back on the street – missing the hydrant by inches.
When the van rolled down from the sidewalk onto the street, I jumped over to the drivers seat and was able to take control.
I slammed on the brakes and took a minute or two to gather my thoughts.
Did that just happen?
I got my shit together and turned the van around.
While I was doing this, I noticed an old lady standing on her porch looking at me shaking her head.
You’re welcome, lady.
You’re welcome for the entertainment.