Have you ever seen the movie
THE GREAT SANTINI?

If you haven’t, then this won’t make complete sense…well, maybe

White CastleIt was like any other summer week day night.  Bored as hell, drinking beer like a fish drinks water and hanging out with three or four friends.  I noticed a large can of Campbells Cream Mushroom Soup in the cupboard and remembered the movie starring Robert Duvall, “The Great Santini

If you have never seen the movie, let me explain a certain scene to you:

  • Duvall’s character has an open can of soup inside his jacket
  • He acts as if he’s throwing up and pours the contents of the soup on the floor
  • His friends, who are in on it, run up to the fake vomit and start eating it off the floor
  • People get sick and throw up for real
If you would like to see how it went down, buy from AMAZON

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Here’s how it went down at the WHITE CASTLE

White Castle – Calumet Avenue & 165th Street
Hammond, Indiana – Early 90’s (?)

We took some leftovers from a friend’s house (peas, carrots, &c.) and opened the family size can of cream of mushroom soup with a can opener.  I dumped a little bit of the soup out into the garbage can, & filled it with the leftovers and a little water.  I did this so the contents would not be so thick because I wanted it to  pour out of the can a bit more easily when it was tilted over, we were trying to make it look as realistic as possible.

And it did!

It looked like REAL puke!

The plan was fairly easy to follow, all we needed were the characters.  Since somebody had to eat the fake vomit, that character role will be played by “yours truly” and by somebody else who had just as much low self esteem as me, Rash Key.

Next, we needed somebody to carry the fake vomit in the Campbell’s soup can into the White Castle.  We nominated our “large-and-in-charge” red-headed friend to do the honors, Jay Jee.

Fast Food

We had Jee walk in with another friend who then walked straight to a booth and sat in it.  The other friend went to place an order.

After that, Rash and I walked in and stood in line right behind our friend.

That was the signal.   The plan was under way.

All of a sudden, Jee started making some loud dry heaving noises…and they just got louder & louder.  People started to turn and look at what was going on.

Before anyone knew it, Jee made this very loud (and quite a long) sound of himself throwing up.  He sounded possessed.  Hollywood would have been proud.

The next thing you know, there was this (very realistic looking) puddle of PUKE on the table.  Jee made an excellent performance and then soon made a quick get-away out the north exit.
(This was a common exit)

Exit – stage left.

People were confused, everyone looked at each other in amazement as if they couldn’t believe what they just witnessed.

But they ain’t seen nothing yet.

Rash and I looked at each other – we were on.

We walked out of line and headed for the booth with the vomit-like substance on the table.  I heard our other friend in line say to himself, “Oh my God.”

Oh my God was right, because the next thing I’m about to tell you actually happened:

Rash and I approached the vomit and started picking the mushrooms out of it and eating it.
Yes.  Eating it.

It was fake of course, but if you didn’t know you would have swore that two crazy idiots were eating chunks of vomit that came from another idiot off the street.

A man had to actually cover the eyes of his two little boys, while looking at us as if to say, “What the hell are you guys doing?”

I heard people gasp.  Our friend, got out of line and left the restaurant.  Rash and I followed.

We walked out with cream of mushroom soup dangling from our chins, making sounds as if we were the undead.

Ah…good times.

[WANT TO READ THE FIRST “Mayhem at the White Castle”?]

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