One of the strangest things I’ve done when I was “under the influence”.
I was asked:
What was the strangest thing
you ever did while drunk?
I went to a party in St. Petersburg, Florida with a bunch of night stockers. I worked for a local department store and the guys who stocked the shelves were all off work on this particular night and they threw a party.
I went there and as soon as I walked into the place I started doing tequila shots. I didn’t plan on staying that long, because unlike the stockers, I had to be at work in the morning.
Needless to say, I got drunk and ran out of the place like a madman (so I was told).
I woke up very early the next morning on wet ground and the first thing I saw was the full moon. I also saw a palm tree, then I noticed that I was surrounded by tall grass.
I thought to myself, “My God, those guys were trying to kill me by throwing me on Alligator Alley.”
Now if you’re not familiar with Alligator Alley, look it up. But let me tell you that it’s notorious for being heavily populated with alligators.
I couldn’t believe it, I was all the way down by Alligator Alley. I raised my right hand. I was holding onto my pants.
My pants were off?
What the…? You mean to tell me that those guys “butt raped” me? Oh my God…NO!!!
I sat up…wait a minute. I looked around.
I wasn’t in Alligator Alley, I was in someones front yard.
It was like 3:30am and I had no idea where I was. All I saw was a tiny red neon light in the distance.
I followed the light.
I got to a car dealership, I found a payphone (luckily) and made a collect call to my wife. She stayed on the phone with me until some girlfriends of hers came and got me. I was standing at a payphone with my pants in my hand.
What a sight I must have been – I mean… really.
P.S. – I wasn’t “butt raped”, thank, God